All's Fair In Love And War
by Astra Greenleaf
Summary: Draco's finally done it! Caused Hermione to threaten him with revenge! But no typical revenge, mind you, the kind of revenge involving practical jokes! Choose your allies carefully, you might wind up with a spider in your bed!
1. Default Chapter

That's right you deluded people I'm back. I know what you're thinking, how many sequels can one person make? It's about time I did another comedy huh? I thought so, I won't hold you up, read! ************************************************************************  
  
Hermione plopped down at her typical seat at the polished Gryffindor table two hours early, as usual, and allowed the heavy book she was reading to fall open before her.  
  
A plate of food, accompanied by a glass of water, appeared of their own accord a moment later, as usual, and she ignored it, as usual.  
  
She had barely scanned three lines of the page when she felt two arms slink around her waist and a mouth place a soft kiss against her left temple. "Hello Draco." She stated without lifting her eyes from her book.  
  
He sat down on the table beside her untouched food and placed his feet on the seat next to her as he snatched the book from her hands.  
  
Her head snapped up "Hey!" She exclaimed heatedly as he sat the book behind him. He ignored her outburst and leaned close to her "You know what's sad?" He whispered.  
  
Hermione pondered this for a moment "The fact that I can't read a book around you." She guessed mockingly.  
  
He chuckled softly "No, the fact that our life is so predictable you automatically know that the man who comes from behind you is me."  
  
She nodded "Things have been rather boring lately."  
  
A grin spread across Draco's face that immediately frightened Hermione. Her eyes must have reflected her fear because Draco's smile widened "I've been waiting for someone to say that all month."  
  
"Why?" She questioned reluctantly.  
  
"Gives me an excuse to shake things up" He explained as he jumped from the table and handed her book back to her before gliding away.  
  
"Draco." Hermione called after him.  
  
He turned gracefully, one elegant eyebrow raised in inquiry.  
  
"Don't kill any one." She ordered rather seriously.  
  
He let loose an ejaculation of pure mirth before continuing his course.  
  
Hermione sighed moving her book to the side; she couldn't read anymore even if she wanted to. Water might sooth her tired body.  
  
She raised her gold goblet to her lips but froze when she saw what obviously inhabited her drinking water as the cool liquid spilled into her mouth. She immediately ejected the transparent substance as the gold fish in her water blinked in surprise.  
  
"Draco Malfoy!!!!"  
  
Draco smiled as he paused in his descent to the dungeons. Pansy met him on her way up "What are you so happy about" She questioned.  
  
"Nothing" he replied "Out for your morning jog?" he asked taking in her attire.  
  
"Yeah" She returned rather begrudgingly.  
  
"Have a safe morning Pansy" He stated before continuing his journey. Pansy's brow furrowed and she shook her head as she reached the summit of the steps.  
  
She swerved to exit the castle when she saw Hermione stomp out of the Great Hall wearing a mask of absolute fury and heading for the dungeons.  
  
Pansy blocked Hermione's progress "Hermione?"  
  
"Where is he? I'm gonna rip out each of his blonde hairs one by one!" Flames flickered in her chocolate eyes.  
  
"What happened?" Pansy asked placing a consoling hand on Hermione's shoulder.  
  
He put a goldfish in my water! A goldfish!" She exclaimed.  
  
"Why would Draco put a goldfish in your water?" This simply wasn't making sense.  
  
Draco appeared in the doorway of the stair. He placed his forearm above his head on the wall adjacent to his body lazily as he crossed one foot over the other. "You bellowed?"  
  
Hermione's eyes narrowed "You put a fish in my drink!"  
  
Pansy's eyes scurried from Draco to Hermione "Obviously this is a lover's quarrel, I'll leave you two to it" With that she scampered from the building for her jog.  
  
"Would a fish in your drink not shake things up?" He inquired, an evil smile creeping across his face.  
  
"When you said shake things up, I didn't think you meant me! I'm your girl friend!" She cried. He laughed, abandoning his support that was the wall, and took slow easy strides towards her until his body touched hers.  
  
She stared up into the warm mercury of his eyes as he leaned his forehead down to touch hers "But don't you remember?" He whispered, sliding his palms up her arms to rest on her shoulders.  
  
"Remember what?" She breathed back.  
  
"All's fair in love and war" He pressed his lips to hers lightly before straightening "See you in Potions dear." He strode back down the stairs to the dungeon.  
  
She watched him descend to his lair and a small smile quirked her full lips "I'll make you eat those words." She vowed before pivoting and springing up the steps to her own dormitory. 


	2. This Is Special

I fully intend to use several of the suggestions I've gotten my glorious readers. Forward. ************************************************************************  
  
Hermione stepped through her portrait hole determinedly. So Draco wanted to play with fire did he, that was just fine with her. She ascended the steps to the girls dormitories with one intention in mind.  
  
Hermione yanked Ginny's blanketing off the younger girl's figure "Ginny, get up, I need your help."  
  
The red head curled into a ball on her mattress "Hermione, the sun's not even up yet, I have a rule about getting up before morning." Ginny plopped her pillow over her head.  
  
Hermione sighed as she rolled her eyes. She strode over and jerked the pillow from the girl's grasp.  
  
Ginny whined "Hermione! Go away! Some of us need sleep."  
  
"Well you don't today." Hermione's only response was a muffled groan.  
  
"Ginny Weasley if you don't get up right now I'm going to tell your mother about that little incident with the tub." Hermione's voice held warning.  
  
Ginny's head snapped up "You wouldn't dare."  
  
Hermione raised her eyebrows "Try me."  
  
Ginny sighed "Alright I'm up, I'm up."  
  
Ginny rose and dressed herself and joined the slightly impatient Hermione on the common room couch set before the fire, which was crackling merrily.  
  
"Okay, why did I have to get up this early?" The red head questioned indignantly.  
  
Hermione opened her mouth to speak but Ginny raised her hand in a gesture of silence. "Let me guess, it has something to do with Draco."  
  
Hermione snapped her mouth shut and glared at her friend. Ginny smirked "So what'd he do this time?"  
  
"He put a gold fish in my drink, fully intending me to digest it! A raw gold fish! A live raw gold fish! A-"  
  
"Alright, I get it. That doesn't seem so bad: he would never actually hurt you."  
  
"Stop defending him! This instant!" Hermione stared in shock at the younger female. "Okay, okay, what do you want me to do?" Ginny smiled in a placating manner.  
  
Hermione sighed heavily "I want you to get the Slytherin password from Pansy."  
  
At this statement Ginny laughed "Oh is that all, I had that weeks ago to meet Pansy so we could study together."  
  
"Then give it to me" Urged Hermione.  
  
In response Ginny bit her lower lip to prevent from grinning "I'm sorry Hermione but Draco kind of told me not to."  
  
Hermione's jaw hit the floor "What? How? When? No that doesn't matter you're gonna choose him over me?"  
  
Ginny's eyes sank to the floor apologetically "I'm sorry, it's just that everyone knows you can't beat him, I know it, you know it, the population of China knows it! Just ask Cho!"  
  
Hermione continued to glare "We'll see, no matter, I'll get you too." Hermione swore as she rose and exited her common room.  
  
Ginny sighed, leaning back into the softness of the couch. What had she gotten herself into? She vowed a long time ago never to get in between the two. Oh well, she figured she was safer on Draco's side than Hermione's.  
  
Harry descended the steps that stretched up to the boy's dormitory "Ginny are you alright?" He asked sitting down beside her and covering her hand with his.  
  
"Uh huh." She returned tiredly.  
  
"You don't want to tell me do you?" Harry asked softly.  
  
She leaned forward and looked into the emerald of Harry's eyes "I didn't think you'd want to know."  
  
"I do, I want to know everything that ever happens to you."  
  
Ginny couldn't help from smiling "Fine Harry, Draco and Hermione have entered this prank war and I kind of sided with Draco."  
  
Harry raised his eyebrows in mild surprise "Well then, I guess I'll side with you."  
  
Ginny's eyes grew wide "No I don't want to drag you into this too, you and Ron just stay neutral okay?"  
  
Harry sighed "Alright, can I at least go eat some breakfast, mistress?"  
  
Ginny grinned "If you hold your mouth just right."  
  
Harry stuck out his lower lip and Ginny laughed "Come on you nut."  
  
The couple ran into Pansy as she reentered the school covered in perspiration. "Hi guys." She greeted whole heartedly.  
  
The two waved and the trio sauntered into the Great Hall, Pansy separated from the duo of Gryffindors and walked to sit across from Draco.  
  
"Hi Draco."  
  
"Salutations Pansy" He replied sweetly "Would you do me a teeny favor?"  
  
"That depends on what it is" Confessed Pansy with equal syrup in her voice.  
  
"I accidentally dropped a fish in Hermione's water this morning and she's taken it rather personally, so in order to keep all my limbs, could you assist me in concealing the Slytherin password from her?"  
  
"Draco, Draco, of course I would" She allowed an infinitesimal silence to reign "if I believed for one second you were telling the truth." She popped a grape into her mouth.  
  
Draco looked crestfallen "Are you accusing me of lying?" He asked in incredulity.  
  
Pansy laughed at that "Yes, in a heartbeat. In fact I'd be willing to bet poor Hermione was the victim!" Pansy leaned toward him and whispered "I'm going to tell her right now."  
  
Draco grabbed her elbow "Hell, no you're not!"  
  
"If you don't let go of me I'll scream rape." Pansy threatened evenly.  
  
He released her begrudgingly "Come on Pansy, where's your house togetherness."  
  
"I lost it last year" She winked and strode away.  
  
Draco stood and walked briskly from the Hall. Okay from now on he was going to be on full alert.  
  
The day passed uneventfully, a typical average day, and Draco lay down in his bed slightly more relaxed then earlier that day.  
  
"Draco." The whispered word obviously spoken by a female voice caused his eyelids to rise slowly. He peered around his normally crowded dorm room which was now devoid of any other male life form.  
  
He turned his head toward the origin of the voice and beheld Hermione seated on the edge of his bed. He raised his eyebrows "I'm sorry honey, but I believe in abstinence."  
  
This did not wipe the smug expression off the brunette's face. Draco's eyes narrowed with interest as he sat up and realized his right arm was not following him. He turned and traced his defiant appendage to the source of it's disobedience.  
  
A silver ring circled his wrist which was attached to a second gold ring of equal size connected to his bed post below the headboard. Draco turned back to his girlfriend "Handcuffs? That's rather kinky."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes "I'm not here on the part of kinkiness, sorry to disappoint you. I'm here to insure that you miss class."  
  
Draco's brow furrowed "You're going to leave me here?" He asked in disbelief.  
  
She nodded her head slowly.  
  
"Hermione, that's just cruel." He scolded, struggling pointlessly against his bondage.  
  
"No this is cruel" She corrected displaying the key to the restraints, walking to the door, and laying them just out of his reach on the floor "Have fun honey, and think twice before you put fish in people's beverages." She advised before closing the door on his shocked face.  
  
************************************************************************ Review me if you think it should be different. Tata! 


	3. The Plot Thickens

Bwahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!!! Most of you liked the hand cuff thing, surprisingly enough, on the other hand if you read my stories, chances are you're a little, well, special... ************************************************************************  
  
Draco watched the setting sun and sighed as he plopped back onto his bed, not that the perimeter in which he could travel was that far away from that particular piece of furniture anyway.  
  
Every boy that had entered the domain thus far has said something along these lines "Oh my God, who did this to you?" When Draco answered that his girlfriend had been responsible for his imprisonment, the boys would merely shrug and say "Oh sorry to interrupt."  
  
This was probably what aggravated the blonde the most. "Oh, she is so going to pay for this." He promised the air.  
  
He rolled over and felt a sudden acute jab in his ribs, he sat up and surveyed the contents of his pocket and extracted his wand. He groaned, he'd had this the whole time!  
  
He pushed his frustration aside determinedly and raised his wand to the keys resting across the room "Wingardium Leviosa."  
  
The keys reflected the orange of the sun as they drifted towards him steadily. He clasped his fingers around them as an evil smile curved his lips.  
  
Hermione pushed aside the oaken door, allowing herself access to Draco's quarters, cradling a plate of food. She tried to shed light upon the room by use of the light switch but failed after several attempts.  
  
She stepped further into the dim haze of the bedroom "Draco?" She examined the bed from the doorway and did not sight her boyfriend or the handcuffs.  
  
She took another cautious step into the dusk of the chamber and heard the door slam behind her, causing her to jump. She whirled around but no one was there.  
  
Hermione tiptoed to the bed which formally contained Draco slowly, until she spotted the handcuffs, still attached to the bedpost, with one ring wide open.  
  
Suddenly Hermione felt something clamp around her ankle and drag her to the floor. The plate of food went flying, spilling random food items throughout the carpet.  
  
She screamed as Draco slid from under his bed, grinning widely. He placed a warm hand over the female's mouth gently, effectively stopping the stream of noise pouring from within.  
  
He blanketed her body with his, pinning her to the floor, and slowly removed his hand. "Draco! My God you scared me to death!"  
  
She felt his body ripple with amusement "That was the idea." He whispered softly.  
  
"Okay you have your revenge now can you get off of me?" She asked with more than a hint of annoyance.  
  
He raised one eyebrow "You think this is revenge?" He questioned as he leaned his head closer to hers "Oh no, my dear sweet Hermione, this is but a taste of the hell I'm going to give you, you crazy little Gryffindor." He murmured between soft kisses he pressed to her lips.  
  
His eyes glittered mischievously as he rose, allowing her to rise with him. "Aren't you going to keep me here?" She asked in bewilderment.  
  
He laughed at that "Of course not. Payback must be better than mere captivity, in fact you're free to go; I won't get you today, but I will get you." His deep voice ran down her spine, causing her to shudder.  
  
He opened the door for her as she left "I promise." He finished as he closed the door softly.  
  
Hermione rushed up the blackened steps streaking directly to the Great Hall. She looked about her frantically and spotted Pansy. She promptly rushed over to the Slytherin table.  
  
"Pansy, we have a serious problem." Hermione stated seating herself across from the other female.  
  
"What's that?" Pansy questioned, looking up from her dessert.  
  
"Draco, he's free and he was rambling about hell and revenge and whatever it is I know it isn't good" Spewed Hermione in a gush of words.  
  
Pansy began to chuckle, which then developed into full blown laughter "Good one Hermione, but those cuffs were charmed there's no way he got out without the key, nice try though."  
  
"No you don't understand-"  
  
Suddenly Pansy froze as her fork dropped from her paralyzed hand. Draco leaned across the table from his fresh position beside Hermione.  
  
"Hello Pansy, did you miss me?" He inquired sitting down.  
  
"Not really." She replied sweetly "So what now? Do we drop this whole thing and let bygones be bygones?"  
  
Draco chuckled softly "You're not getting off that easily, indeed this might progress to full on warfare."  
  
Hermione raised an eyebrow "You against us? Not much of a war."  
  
"Oh not just me, the little weasel and Potter are on my side." Draco stated evenly.  
  
"Well then Ron's with us" Declared Pansy firmly.  
  
Draco shrugged "As you wish, now if you ladies will pardon me, I need to go de-foodify my room." With that he stood and strode from the hall.  
  
Hermione's brow furrowed as she watched his retreating back. "Harry took Draco's side over mine?"  
  
Pansy shrugged "I'm guessing he didn't side with Draco, but with Ginny." Pansy replied taking another bite of her dessert.  
  
Hermione nodded "Okay, so now what?" She turned to Pansy expectantly.  
  
Pansy picked up her napkin "Now, we inform Ron and wait."  
  
"Wait for what?" Hermione questioned.  
  
Pansy smiled "If only I knew."  
  
Ginny and Harry curled together on the couch was the sight Hermione first saw upon entering the common room.  
  
She ignored them both and went straight to her dorm room, deciding it was probably a bad idea to mingle with one's enemies in war, regardless of friendship stature.  
  
She inspected everything before she picked it up, put it down or used it and when nothing happened, relaxed slightly.  
  
She crawled into bed thanking the stars that she was a light sleeper.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"  
  
A shriek that could wake the dead, originating from beneath her awoke Hermione abruptly. She quickly rose and dressed catching sight of her alarm clock as it began to beep anyway.  
  
Hermione rushed down stairs towards the source of the noise, which happened to be in the center of the common room.  
  
From somewhere in the crowd she distinctly heard Harry exclaim "Oh my God."  
  
She pushed her way through and caught sight of the fascinating spectacle. Hermione immediately recoiled "Oh my God, Ginny, what happened?!"  
  
The typically calm Ginny was continuing to shriek her head off, but no one paid heed to this fact under the circumstances. Ginny's normally soft, crimson locks had turned into a nest of vipers, all grotesquely slithering over each other and striking out at those who wandered too close.  
  
Hermione backed toward the portrait hole, away from the screaming Ginny. She had to get help. Dumbledore! But he probably wasn't up at this hour. Snape? She emitted a short humorless laugh at that thought. McGonagall? That may work.  
  
She dashed out of the common room and down the steps to the Great Hall, McGonagall was seated at her usual seat placidly.  
  
At the sight of Hermione rushing towards her the Transfiguration teacher looked up "May I help you Ms. Granger?"  
  
"Yes actually, Ginny's hair has been turned into snakes!" Hermione gasped out.  
  
McGonagall gave her a stern look "Honestly Ms. Granger, I expect better from you."  
  
Hermione's eyes widened "No, Honestly professor!"  
  
"Hmmm" McGonagall dismissed her and returned to examining her Daily Prophet.  
  
Hermione sighed in exasperation. Now what? She turned and fled to return to the core of the problem, Ginny.  
  
As she dashed up the steps Harry halted her progress "It's okay Hermione, I took Ginny to Madame Pomfrey, she said to leave her there for the day and to go away."  
  
Hermione raised her eyebrows but didn't question him as they both descended the steps to eat breakfast. As the duo sat down they were soon joined by Ron and the three of them began their usual breakfast.  
  
Hermione had forgotten about Draco until she picked up her water goblet, she examined it closing and as she stared at the transparent liquid a thought occurred to her. Would Draco attack his own kind?  
  
Her soft eyes shot up to meet molten mercury. He had been watching her. Their gazes held for a moment before she saw his lips curl slyly, then slowly, deliberately, he winked before returning to his meal.  
  
Harry raised his emerald eyes to Hermione suddenly "Unfortunately, Hermione this little attack on Ginny... I hate to say it... but of course you know, this means war." 


	4. Teachers And Spiders And Beds, Oh My!

Another chapter my dear readers, thanks for the interesting reviews! ************************************************************************  
  
Hermione sighed as she entered the Transfiguration classroom cautiously. Everyone was so jumpy and she was allowing it to affect her. She mentally scolded herself for her own paranoia as she took her seat.  
  
Professor McGonagall was instructing them on the finer points of changing hats into rope when the bell sounded, reverberating off the classroom walls.  
  
Minerva sighed as the students gathered their things and plopped down into the seat behind her desk. As Hermione pivoted to leave she distinctly heard professor McGonagall clear her throat in an unusual manner.  
  
Hermione turned around to meet Minerva's stern gaze with her own questioning one. "Miss Granger, if I may have a word?" McGonagall gestured to the chair resting in front of her desk.  
  
Hermione sat her things down and walked slowly to the chair the Transfiguration teacher had indicated "Yes Professor?"  
  
"Well, how shall I phrase this, I've noticed that you and Mr. Malfoy have entered a small competition, am I wrong?"  
  
"No Professor, you're quite right." Hermione affirmed hesitantly.  
  
"You see Miss Granger, I merely wanted to offer my assistance." McGonagall said softly.  
  
Hermione's eyebrows rose out of sheer shock "I hope you won't find me rude in asking why Professor, I mean it's just that you've always disapproved of inappropriate behavior."  
  
Minerva's lips curled ever so slightly "That boy is Severus's pet. You see, I really have nothing against Mr. Malfoy, I merely want to ensure that Severus is humiliated, an assistance that can't possibly be traced to me. We can help each other. And, if you'll allow me to speak frankly, I've always had a particular fondness for you, as I would a daughter, and I know I would never want my daughter to be beaten by some silver haired Slytherin, bred by Severus."  
  
Hermione smiled warmly "Of course not Professor."  
  
Minerva walked around her desk as Hermione stood to leave. The teacher extended her hand "Allies?"  
  
Hermione nodded "Allies."  
  
Minerva took Hermione's hand but instead of shaking it she pulled the younger girl into an embrace, one which Hermione returned before leaving.  
  
As Hermione reached the portrait of the Fat Lady an eagle owl swooped low and landed on her shoulder. She regarded the bird curiously before noting the scrap of parchment attached to it's leg.  
  
Hermione untied it carefully and unraveled the message as the bird escalated into the air. She skimmed the letter quickly.  
  
Dear Hermione,  
  
Meet me in the library at midnight tonight. Come alone or I will not reveal myself. And before I forget, I would suggest you not visit Weasley tonight.  
Yours Sincerely,  
Draco Malfoy  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes as she entered the common room and dropped her things. Now what did he want? Was his attack on Ginny not enough?  
  
Harry emerged from the boy's dormitory with a grave expression, followed closely by Ginny. Her hair had returned to its original brilliant shade of red.  
  
Ginny walked straight over to Hermione and tilted her chin up slightly to look her in the eye as Harry plopped down on the couch in front of them.  
  
"How could you Hermione? It took Madame Pomfrey a good four hours to undo the damage you had done." Ginny exclaimed.  
  
"Ginny, I didn't do it, I swear!" Hermione vowed.  
  
Ginny scoffed "Sure, well it doesn't matter anyway cause we're going to get you back." Ginny promised as she fell back beside Harry.  
  
Harry sighed heavily.  
  
"What's your problem?" Hermione asked, becoming annoyed.  
  
Harry raised tired eyes to Hermione's "It is far better thing that I do now, then I have ever done before."  
  
"I don't like the sound of that" Hermione announced.  
  
Suddenly the clock sitting above the fireplace sounded throughout the common room twelve times. Midnight. Oh well, she may as well go.  
  
As Hermione pushed the heavy oak door of the library open it creaked upon it's hinges in protest. She peered around the poorly lit space in vain.  
  
She put her form completely within the room and allowed the door to thud closed behind her. "Draco?"  
  
She walked halfway down an aisle "Draco?" Maybe he wouldn't show after all.  
  
All of the sudden Hermione felt something warm cover the back of her neck. She whirled around to address Draco's smiling face.  
  
"Are you alone?" He asked softly.  
  
She nodded "Yes."  
  
"No one else knows you're here?" He whispered distractedly playing with her chocolate waves.  
  
She shook her head gently "No one else." She answered.  
  
"That's good." He replied as he bent to brush his lips across hers.  
  
She pulled back slightly "And you called me here because?"  
  
He smiled "I called you here to propose an alliance."  
  
She automatically shook her head "Ginny is your presumed ally and look what you did to her, why I have half a mind to tell her."  
  
She felt his body ripple with amusement "You would have half a mind if you thought she'd believe you."  
  
Hermione shook her head, sending her brown locks flying. "There's just one thing I don't understand, why did you do it?"  
  
His grin widened "I had to ensure her loyalty."  
  
"By attacking her?"  
  
"Think about it Hermione, if someone attacked Harry would you attack the culprit?" He asked stroking his thumb across her lower lip.  
  
Hermione cast her eyes downward "No, I guess not." She admitted.  
  
Draco nodded "But if someone attacked you, you would."  
  
"Damn you, you're right." Hermione sighed defeatedly.  
  
Draco nodded "Always, so what do you say, will you join me."  
  
A defiant glare twinkled in her eye as she tilted her chin "Never." She vowed "You're the cause of this and someone has to stop you."  
  
Draco shrugged "As you wish, in that case I wish you luck, because you'll need it." And with that he disappeared into the darkness of the library leaving Hermione to go back to her common room for some much needed sleep.  
  
Unfortunately for her this was not the case.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!" The echo resounded throughout the castle, originating in the boy's dormitory.  
  
Ron ran out of his bedroom in a blind haze, quickly followed by Neville, Seamus and Dean. Harry was no where to be seen.  
  
In his madness Ron made a mad dash to Hermione's room but the sixth step slid him back down, creating easy prey for the monstrosity emerging from the bedroom.  
  
The girls all rushed out to the top of the freshly concocted slide and several screamed at the sight.  
  
A hideous black spider, towering over six feet was creeping steadily down the steps towards Ron, completely disregarding Neville, Seamus and Dean.  
  
Hermione pushed her way through the crowd and caught a glimpse of the fallen red head cowering from the gigantic terror.  
  
"Ron!" She yelled pointlessly over the noise.  
  
The arachnid advanced, it's deadly pincers dripping with poison and Ron began to whimper. Hermione flew to her room, groping in the darkness for her wand. She finally clutched the thin strip of wood in her shaking grasp and shoved her way out.  
  
She took a deep breath and jumped, allowing her body to slide down the stone ramp Ron had accidentally created.  
  
She ran to block the monster's motion forward, stood in front of Ron and yelled "Expelliarmus!!"  
  
The octane flew backward a good four feet before disintegrating into dust. Ron clutched his heart, breathing heavily as Hermione helped him to his feet.  
  
Suddenly Professor McGonagall burst into the room, took in the sight before her and assessed it into one horrid fact. Her students were out of bed.  
  
"Back to bed all of you!" She ordered. The pupils began to turn, some still in shell shock, and do her bidding.  
  
"Weasley, Granger, freeze!" She commanded as Hermione began to assist the slightly shaken Weasley to bed. Minerva looked at Hermione expectantly "Explain." She ordered crisply.  
  
Hermione took a deep breath but Ron croaked up before she got the chance "I was sleeping in my bed, Professor, when this fuzzy thing hit my leg and when I turned on the lights to...to see what it was... it was this huge sp- sp-spider! I ran down stairs t-to try and get away from it but... but it caught up." He finished in a strangled gurgle.  
  
"That's when I slid down here to kill it Professor, its ashes are over there" She gestured to the pile of black grains covering the foot of the boy's staircase.  
  
McGonagall nodded, apparently appeased by this explanation upon examination of the black dust. She signaled for Hermione to continue to help Ron to bed when a thought struck her.  
  
"Just a moment, Miss Granger, I just have one more question."  
  
Hermione halted her persistence and turned expectantly "Yes Professor?"  
  
"Where is Mr. Potter?" 


	5. Freaky

Harry elevated himself to a raised position, squinting his sleep induced eyes against the sun's bright rays. He stretched his arms heavenward as he exercised his jaw with a yawn.  
  
Draco stepped into his common room and noted Harry's awakened state. "So Potter, how was it sleeping on the Slytherin couch?"  
  
Harry turned to face the approaching blonde "Terrible, how do you stand living down here? Are the beds as firm and cold as the couch?"  
  
Draco laughed, on an amazingly rich note for the ungodly hour "Sorry Potter, but you're the one that declared war, remember?"  
  
Harry glared at his life long rival "You started this, Mr. I think I'll slip a fish into an incredibly uptight person's water and through the whole of my acquaintances into a prank war."  
  
Draco rose one elegant eyebrow "You, Potter, are in dire need of some form of sustenance. Besides, we need to get you out of here anyway, considering my housemates wouldn't be to happy finding the star of Gryffindor sleeping on their couch. And trust, you don't want them to find you."  
  
Harry rolled his eyes "How bad could these people be compared to Voldemort?"  
  
Draco laughed "You'd be surprised, some of these kids kill off their household pets for pure sport."  
  
Harry grimaced thinking of how he could ever kill Hedwig. "Alright, fine let's go."  
  
The two males slipped out of the common room and up the flights of stairs from the dungeons to the Great Hall.  
  
As the duo entered the festive hall they came face to angered face with Hermione. Her arms were folded over her chest and she was tapping her foot lightly against the stone floor.  
  
Her scorching chocolate gaze pinned Harry "Where have you been?" She demanded slowly.  
  
"Well... I, ah... was in the ah... library!" He decided.  
  
Hermione narrowed her eyes "The library? Why?"  
  
"I... ah... was, ah............"  
  
"Helping me with a project" Draco covered smoothly "Far be it for Potter to actually have a life that doesn't involve you." Hermione turned her bloodthirsty gaze on Draco's taunting silver one "Listen Draco, I'm not Crabbe or Goyle, I know Harry and I know you, and I know both your habits. Harry never goes to the library when he can avoid it and he's an atrocious liar, and very rarely do you two ever come to breakfast together."  
  
Draco's lips twisted into a smile "Why so snippy Hermione, why, one would think you were on edge about something, surely nothing's happened to you today, it's far too early."  
  
Her glare intensified as Ron came dragging down the steps. Harry's emerald gaze flickered to Ron, ignoring the couple he went to the red head's side "You all right there Ron? You look terrible."  
  
"I didn't get much sleep last night." Ron returned tiredly "But some food might mend that, come on." The two walked past the livid pair and sat down at the Gryffindor table.  
  
Hermione ceased monitoring the exchange between her best friends and turned her attention back to the Slytherin "Alright Draco, the truth, where was Harry?"  
  
"I'm sorry but that information is strictly confidential" Rejoined Draco happily.  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes "As I've said, I know you Draco, Harry was not in the library and you were not doing a project, unless it included the six foot spider that was in Ron's bed last night!"  
  
Draco raised his index finger to lie vertically across her lips gently. "Shhhh, are you trying to inform the whole school of your obvious hallucinations?" He stated softly, grinning.  
  
Hermione smacked her forehead with her palm and groaned "I don't hallucinate, Draco, and neither does ever other Gryffindor who saw the thing last night, I know you did it."  
  
Draco placed both his palms on her shoulders softly "So you think you know me, right? Well, let's think for a minute, shall we dear? Why would I do anything to Weasley? He is too incompetent to be of use to my purpose and a great bloody waste of my time and effort to pull anything on."  
  
Hermione's brow furrowed. What he was saying was making sense, whether she liked it or not.  
  
"Maybe you don't know me as well as you think." He whispered before he swept off to his table to eat.  
  
Ginny paced the common room agitatedly. Classes that day had been hell and she just wanted to sleep.  
  
Where was Harry? Why hadn't he told her where he was going? Why was she obsessing?  
  
She sighed and plopped back onto the couch as the portrait covering the common room swung open and Harry stepped through.  
  
Ginny leapt to her feet "Where have you been?"  
  
Harry smiled at her warmly and completely ignoring her comment, walked forward and embraced her gently. "I missed you, Ginny."  
  
Ginny furrowed her brow "Are you okay? Were you with Madame Pompfrey or something? Heavily medicated, perhaps?"  
  
Harry's lips curled further "No, I was in the Slytherin common room. I was the one that put the spider in the dorm room."  
  
Ginny's mouth fell open "Harry! I'm surprised at you! I didn't know you had it in you to be mean."  
  
Harry shrugged, his smile fading "You do what you have to do, I guess. Let's go to bed, I'm tired."  
  
"Me too" Ginny nodded and he released her reluctantly before dragging up the steps to his room.  
  
Golden slivers of sunlight pierced through the curtains of Harry's bedroom, causing him to open his eyes in annoyance. Morning. He had to get up.  
  
He sat up and looked around him, preparing to inform the lazy red head beside him of the time of day. There was just one problem.  
  
There was no lazy red head.  
  
He took a more detailed survey of his surroundings. A black chair, black curtains, a black bedspread, black brick walls and he realized with horror he was dressed in black pajamas.  
  
He stood, panic rising and noted he was about a foot taller. He reached up to touch his face and felt hair, long greasy hair.  
  
Harry rushed to a mirror and saw the putrid image of Professor Snape gazing back at him.  
  
"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! "  
  
The cry sounded in the rich baritone of the professor. Harry started pacing Snape's bedroom frantically. "Oh, this is not good, if I'm in Snape's body then Snape must be in my body!" He rushed over to the Potion Master's closet and adorned himself hurriedly into one of the several black robes hanging within.  
  
Oh God what was he going to do? He was Snape! What if this was permanent? He shuddered at the very thought. He had to see Dumbledore.  
  
He sprang from Snape's room and up the four flights of stairs to the gargoyle protecting the Headmaster's quarters.  
  
Suddenly the gargoyle leapt out of the way. Harry didn't question it but jumped on the ever revolving steps.  
  
He entered Dumbledore's office frantically. "Professor! I need your help!"  
  
"What can I do for you Severus?" Dumbledore questioned calmly.  
  
"No that's just it! I'm not Snape! I'm Harry!"  
  
Dumbledore's bright eyes twinkled mischievously. "Of course you are Severus, but what can you do about that?"  
  
Harry gaped at him, bewildered "What?"  
  
Dumbledore chuckled softly "My most grievous apologies, Mr. Potter, but I'm afraid you get what you deserve in this matter." He replied softly.  
  
"No, Professor you don't understand. I can't be Snape! You have to know how to help me!" He was growing desperate as he heard Snape's voice raise an octave.  
  
Dumbledore smiled "Harry, you must understand, I am merely a spectator, you got yourself into this and now you are going to have to get yourself out of it."  
  
Harry sighed in defeat before slowly turning around.  
  
"Although, I could recommend you see Professor Snape, he has some excellent remedies to things like this." Dumbledore whispered.  
  
Harry paused, turned back to the Headmaster and smiled at him gratefully before descending the steps to find, in essence, himself.  
  
************************************************************************ There you go folks! Oh and by the way fairylightbabe89, I expect my cookies. 


	6. The Insanity Continues

I've had quite a few inquiries as to the background of my characters and their relationships. If you want the full story all you must do is read the Field Trip my dear readers. ************************************************************************  
  
Minerva McGonagall sipped her morning tea thoughtfully, idly reviewing some of her students most recent essays when she saw Harry Potter burst through her classroom door.  
  
"Minerva! Something has happened!"  
  
Professor McGonagall looked down her nose at the Gryffindor "Mr. Potter, you do not address me in such a manner."  
  
"But Minerva-"  
  
"That's twice Mr. Potter, once more and I will give you a week's worth of detention." The ice of her voice clearly implied the threat.  
  
"You don't understand Minerva-" The dumbfounded child floundered.  
  
"That's it! Detention Potter, all this week!"  
  
Within Harry's body Snape was fuming. How could he get her to realize that he wasn't Harry Potter? He took a deep breath to steady himself and then a thought hit him. Maybe she was the one responsible for this. His eyes turned cold as he curtly turned.  
  
That had to be it. Minerva had done this to him. She was afraid he would pull something on her precious students and so decided to eliminate him from the picture as easily as that. Well she was sourly mistaken.  
  
He walked briskly back out into the halls, leaving a stunned Minerva to return to her grades and tea.  
  
He shot off down the corridor towards his own classroom but as he rounded a corner he slammed into another person.  
  
Snape looked up and was absolutely horrified to see himself looking back down "Mr. Potter?" Snape asked with use of Harry's vocal box.  
  
"Professor Snape?" Harry questioned in Snape's baritone.  
  
No sooner had the words escaped their mouths than both men doubled over simultaneously from acute stomach pain.  
  
Their flesh bubbled and their bodies shifted and low and behold they occupied their correct bodies again, however they were wearing each other's clothing. "Mr. Potter, I believe an explanation is in order" Snape demanded.  
  
An incredibly confused Hufflepuff first year was gaping at them. "What are you looking at?" Severus snapped. The child scampered off.  
  
"Professor I swear I had nothing to do with this." Harry was gestulating wildly with hands covered by the professor's long sleeved robes.  
  
Snape rolled his eyes and remedied the situation by extracting his wand impatiently and returning their proper garments to their bodies.  
  
"Mark my words Potter, I will get to the bottom of this and when I do, I'm going to take all of Gryffindor's house points." Snape vowed darkly before stalking away.  
  
Harry sighed heavily and blinked rapidly several times to clear his mind. He may as well tell Draco, this was obviously Hermione's doing and Draco would ensure justice be done.  
  
He walked into the Great Hall and located the metallic blonde easily, taking a seat across from him. "Draco?"  
  
Draco turned to Harry "Yes?"  
  
"Do you know where I woke up this morning?" Harry asked anxiously.  
  
"In your bed?" Draco ventured a guess as he buttered some toast.  
  
"No! You know where I woke up?" Harry demanded growing more impatient by the minute.  
  
Draco took a bite of his toast.  
  
"In Snape's bed!"  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow "I really didn't need to know that Potter."  
  
"No, I was Snape!" Harry explained in exasperation "It was another prank!"  
  
Draco digested this information "I guess I'll have to speak with Ms. Granger then." He concluded as he sat the remainder of his toast down and stood up just as Hermione walked in.  
  
He followed her to her seat silently and snaked his arms around her waist "May I speak with you for a moment madam?" He whispered against her ear.  
  
"Don't do that!" Hermione exclaimed as she relaxed slightly at recognizing her attacker. He released her and stepped back. "Well, speak." She demanded.  
  
"Not in here, follow me." He took slow easy strides to the door and she followed him on account of her typically treacherous curiosity.  
  
She rounded the corner of the doorframe in the direction she'd seen him go and found him propped against the stone wall of the castle.  
  
"What?" She declared facing him.  
  
"Mr. Potter is under the impression you did something to him last night." Draco answered leaving his post to stand at his full height.  
  
"Is he? Well Harry is incredibly mistaken." Hermione returned crisply.  
  
Draco raised an eyebrow and walked around her so that he was facing the wall, forcing her to turn in order to keep eye contact with him.  
  
"Are you sure?" Draco asked folding his arms across his chest.  
  
Hermione tilted her chin defiantly "Positive."  
  
He moved forward and she moved back until her back hit the stone of the wall. He put his arms on either side of her, his palms supporting his weight against the wall easily, effectively trapping her.  
  
"I would hate to think that you'd lie to me Hermione." He murmured.  
  
She glared at him "I'm the honest one remember?"  
  
He chuckled softly "You do have a penchant for being honest, ah and speaking of honesty." He abstracted a small vile filled with silver liquid.  
  
Hermione recognized it at once "Do you always carry Veriserum around in your pockets?"  
  
"What kind of Slytherin would I be if I didn't?" He rejoined. "So you're saying that were I to tip this vile down your throat, you would know nothing of what happened to Potter last night?"  
  
"Nothing" She confirmed "Besides I wouldn't let you tip that vile down my throat."  
  
He smiled and pressed his body closer to hers "I don't see how you'd stop me."  
  
Her eyes flashed fire and then suddenly she whipped her hand out and sent the vile flying to the marble floor, shattering into an indiscernible amount of pieces, the liquid oozing across the floor slowly.  
  
Draco laughed "I love your spirit. But you've made one small mistake."  
  
"What's that?" She challenged.  
  
"Now both my hands are free and you have no way of getting around me." He reminded her of his arms blocking her into the wall.  
  
She bit her bottom lip thoughtfully. She threw the whole of her weight against him. He didn't move an inch.  
  
"Keep trying." He suggested, grinning.  
  
"Will you let me go?" She tried.  
  
He shook his head.  
  
"Draco, this is impractical, you'll have to let me go eventually, so why bother with this nonsense?" She demanded.  
  
"Because I like seeing you cornered. And then realizing it" He confessed honestly "It amuses me." With that he stepped back and set her free.  
  
"I hate you." She turned and walked back into the Great Hall.  
  
His laughter was her only answer.  
  
Draco walked back through the heavy doors of the hall and noticed Ginny's face brighten as he returned.  
  
She approached him immediately "Well, what now? Do we attack? Huh, huh do we?"  
  
Draco grinned "Shh. Relax little weasel, patience. It is a virtue after all."  
  
"What would you know about virtue?" The redhead countered, smiling.  
  
"Good point" He complied "Just leave it to me, extracting revenge is one of my better points."  
  
Classes that day dragged out within Hermione's world. Something had happened to Harry and she hadn't known of it, much less approved of it. And that meant that someone else had pulled it. The only question was who?  
  
Draco could have done it, but it was highly unlikely. Ron wouldn't have had the ability to do anything to Harry and she didn't do it.  
  
She sighed as she rose from her desk and exited her last class of the day "This whole mess is like a snow ball, once it gets started all it does is grow."  
  
Hermione shrugged her slim shoulders "I guess I'll have to wait and see, and hope I'm not the one who sees too much."  
  
"Talking to yourself isn't healthy" A soft voice informed her from behind.  
  
She whirled around to see Draco leaning against the stone wall lazily, inspecting his nails.  
  
She threw her hands heavenward "Where did you come from?"  
  
One corner of his mouth curled "I stalk you on a regular basis."  
  
Hermione rolled her eyes "What do you want? Tell me so I can give it to you and then you can leave me in peace."  
  
He raised his eyebrows, deciding his nails were sufficient "I just wanted to let you know my alliance is still obtainable."  
  
"No Draco. You started this and someone has to stop you."  
  
He shrugged casually "Fine, but don't say I didn't warn you."  
  
She turned on her heel and marched to her dorm room. She was not going to let him get to her. Let him throw whatever he had at her. She would be ready.  
  
Pansy paced her common room thoughtfully. She was slightly paranoid, considering she was sharing a house with her most formidable opponent in this entire war.  
  
She plopped onto the couch. "I'm letting this get to me" She yawned "And it's becoming tiring." She then dozed off.  
  
Pansy had the odd sensation that she was floating. She opened her eyes and to her absolute horror realized she was under water.  
  
She searched about her frantically in a feeble attempt to locate the surface, before she recognized that she was breathing perfectly.  
  
But she was under water!  
  
Then she noticed it. Her legs had been replaced by a long, shimmering, sapphire tail. As a mermaid would possess.  
  
Her eyes widened as she swished it back and forth. "This has got to be a dream." She muttered to her self in a frail attempt to calm herself.  
  
Suddenly Pansy saw a creature swimming towards her. It was a mermaid, adorned in a green seashell top and a matching emerald tail.  
  
She approached Pansy smiling, her blonde waves floating gracefully. "Hello, my name is Arainia. What's yours?"  
  
Pansy blinked "Pansy. Pansy Parkinson. But, I'm not a mermaid, I'm a girl."  
  
Arainia laughed, a gold shimmer of notes "Of course you're a mermaid, it's a little difficult to deny." Arainia grasped Pansy's tail and tugged gently.  
  
Pansy fumbled for an explanation but suddenly Arainia stiffened, staring straight behind Pansy. Pansy turned slowly in the water.  
  
Coming toward them was the lean figure of a great white shark, gliding through the water easily.  
  
Pansy swallowed as Arainia leaned over toward Pansy slowly "Swim Pansy, now."  
  
With that the two sea maidens shot off in the opposite direction of the fiend on their trail. Pansy looked over her shoulder, the shark was gaining on them.  
  
Suddenly Pansy felt an atrocious agony in her tail. She froze as her tail split directly down the center.  
  
Arainia turned and her eyes widened as she spotted the shark almost upon Pansy. "Pansy look out!" She cried.  
  
A blue shimmer formed around Pansy and she had legs again. She kicked up as the shark took a giant bite of the water Pansy had just occupied.  
  
She broke the surface and continued swimming in a random direction until she could swim no more.  
  
Pansy stopped and for the first time looked around her. She was in the lake partially surrounding Hogwarts. She noted land just a few yards away and swam until she reached shore.  
  
She flopped down onto the sand and realized the sun was setting as she looked at the sky, the waves lapping at her skin. Suddenly she heard a soft dripping and sat up. Arainia was lying in the shallows satring at her.  
  
"Pansy?" She questioned.  
  
Pansy nodded "Yes, I told you I wasn't a mermaid."  
  
Arainia shrugged "I suppose. Oh well. Good luck to you Pansy Parkinson."  
  
With that she was gone. Pansy assessed her situation. She was lying on a beach in nothing but a seashell fashioned bikini top, quite a ways from the school with no wand in the middle of the night.  
  
"I'm going to kill who ever's responsible for this." She vowed before rising and trudging back to the school.  
  
************************************************************************ How's that my glorious readers? Not enough right? Thought so. 


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